woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
