The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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