The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Who died my cat blue again?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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