When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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