so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
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I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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