She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
