she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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