Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Did I show you my penis last night?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
