I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Randomize
