i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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