Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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