I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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