rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
