walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
