mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
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I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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