You're completely useless in the revolution.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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