Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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