She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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