it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
