Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
