Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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