I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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