You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
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I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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