Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So squirting runs in the family.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
