Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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