My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
