I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize