I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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