THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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