3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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