Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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