If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My life is pants optional.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
