Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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