I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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