My brain says no but my pants say off.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
