I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
