Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize