Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
