Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
