My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
