Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
