The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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