Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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