I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
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God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
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AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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