Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
