He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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