Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
