remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
