I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
