So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
