It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize