I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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