"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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