i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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