Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im holly from the hills drunk
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
