My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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