OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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