matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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