Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
