If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
