well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
