I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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